How I accidentally sabotaged my career and stifled my potential

I was doing some decluttering the other day and came across this peer-feedback report from my old job. It was so nice to read some of the comments that people had written about my strengths (my personal favourite is ‘Fearless’). There is so much praise here, and so much to be proud of.

AND when I read the section about development needs I get chills down my spine, because all of these comments point to the lack of confidence I had in myself. Other people could see it, and I knew it.

I didn’t believe in myself, I didn’t trust myself, I didn’t love myself. I was harder and meaner to myself than anyone else could ever be, and all of this was sabotaging my career. It’s right there in the comments:

  • ‘Does not contribute in meetings. Could be overlooked’
  • ‘Not very visible’
  • ‘Lacks confidence’
  • ‘A quiet approach can mean some colleagues don’t feel they know her’

Having read my strengths you’d probably think this section was written about a different person. But no, it wasn’t, all of this was true. Despite being skilled at what I did, passionate about my work, and incredibly dedicated, I usually felt painfully uncomfortable at work because I was in the grips of self-doubt. My colleagues clearly thought I was great and doing a good job, but I couldn’t see it, and that was coming across in how I showed up on a daily basis at work, and it was severely impacting my ability to achieve my potential.

What my colleagues probably couldn’t see is the toll this was also taking on me physically and emotionally. I felt constantly out of my comfort zone and stressed. I had almost permanent brain fog, tight muscles, stomach cramps, and I often felt forgetful. My body was sending me loud signals that something was wrong and it felt like I was permanently under attack.

But from what? At the time it felt like everything, but in actuality, it was all self-sabotage. I WAS ATTACKING MYSELF!

I knew this wasn’t how I wanted to be, but I’d been consumed by this feeling for so long I really didn’t know how to change it. I felt like a victim.

It took me another 3 years to really wake up to what was wrong and start working on peeling back those layers of self-doubt. I wish I’d done something about it sooner, but sometimes when you’re so consumed by something you just can’t see the wood for the trees.

The path back to my confidence was not one I expected. It wasn’t about reading self-help books, and gaining hints and tips. It was about slowing down and reconnecting on a deep level with the confident woman I knew was hiding somewhere inside me. She needed coaxing out, rebuilding, loving. I know I couldn’t have done this without the support of a coach to guide me.

I know the pain, disappointment, frustration and overpowering discomfort that a lack of confidence in yourself can bring, and I really don’t want you to feel this way, because it is a waste of your time, energy and potential. You deserve better. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be successful in your career.

I’ve designed a 4-week group coaching programme to help other women make the shift from feeling self-doubt to self-confidence. A programme that will help you to reconnect with who you are and step back into your full power.

If you’ve received similar feedback to the feedback I did, and you feel ready to do something about it then the Ignite Your Confidence programme is for you.

Over 4 weeks you will learn to:

  • Deepen your understanding of yourself and reconnect with who you are and what drives you
  • Discover your core strengths and how to communicate them
  • Identify and overcome self-limiting beliefs
  • Learn how to cultivate self-confidence and enhance your resilience

All with the support of a certified coach and an intimate group of women also working on developing their confidence.

Programme Dates: We will meet on Monday evenings 19:30 – 21:00 CET starting Monday 7th March and ending on Monday 28th March.

Places are limited. Deadline for applications – Friday 4th March

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How to use the wheel of life for goal-setting

My absolute favourite place to start goal setting is the wheel of life. By starting with the wheel of life, you get a good overview of all the activities and commitments competing for your attention. It gives you an opportunity to see where you might be out of balance, and where things might need immediate attention. This makes it much easier to realise your priorities and set appropriate goals.

Click below to get your free copy of the wheel of life.

A note before you start: You’ll see the wheel is divided into 12 sections but you can add or remove sections as you wish. Before you start decide if there are any sections you want to add or remove.

Here’s how to use the wheel of life for goal-setting:

1. Prepare your environment

Find somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed and create an environment that will allow you to feel grounded. Dimming the lights, lighting a candle, burning some incense work for me. Before you start allow yourself to take a deep breath and quiet your mind.

2. Rate your satisfaction level

With the wheel of life in front of you, quickly, without thinking, rate your satisfaction for each area (1 being least content and 10 being most content). It’s important that you don’t spend too long on this. It should be a gut reaction. There will be time to analyse later!

3. Connect your wheel

Once you’ve allocated numbers to each segment, draw a line to connect the dots.

4. Raise your self-awareness

Take a few minutes to look at your new wheel. What do you notice about it? What are you surprised about? What area is calling for your attention?

5. Laser your focus

Individually focus on each segment. Consider the number you have allocated, and what number you would like it to be within the next 6 months. Then consider what would need to happen for you to achieve that. Consider what you want more of, or what you might need to give up to have that happen.

6. Set your priorities

Once you have looked at each area, look at the wheel as a whole again. You only have limited time and resources, so you may need to prioritize or choose where to place your focus.

7. Set your goals

Choose one or two areas you would like to focus on and set a maximum of 3 goals in total. These are your focus areas. This is not to say the other areas are less important, it just means they are a lower priority in this moment. Usually, when we make a change in one area of our life it directly impacts other areas, so you may see changes in your lower priority areas even if your focus is not on them.

8. Revisit your wheel

I recommend returning to the wheel of life every 6 months, or more if you are feeling stuck or lost. If you engage with it intentionally, you should be able to uncover the area that is making you feel stuck.

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